Discovery
As I neatly tucked my socks into my shoes, I thought of the message I was about to send to my wife. I was to tell her I was sorry and I wished I could be stronger for our kids. I took a deep breath and walked towards the ocean. In that moment was determined to drift and drown.
The crucible, the test, was to last at its worst for 3 or 4 years, maybe longer. Something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. Was this my tragic version of a mid life crisis, was this the culmination of all my intensity and anxieties? I had to work out what was going on. I needed to turn things around.
Each day was hard. But as it turned out, I was lucky. I stopped myself and received help. I worked hard and I still do. So, never be afraid to ask for help or admit to what you are going through. Never be afraid to work hard.
Steps Taken to Recover
- Admit I needed help
- Get help
- Admit I still needed help
- Get more help
- Commit to getting better
- Listen to the people around me
- Focus on a purpose
- Work towards that purpose
- Rediscover my true self
The hardest thing to do for a lot of people is to show their vulnerability, to admit that internally there is something wrong. Fortunately, I have the support of a wonderful wife, my rock, the person, who keeps me in check, who inspires me and who enables me to be me. Through the trust, dedication and belief of my awesome wife I was able to get the help I needed.
Part of getting help was the acceptance of seeing a psychologist. Yep, I called myself crazy, believed that I was weak and didn’t really want the help of someone I didn’t know. But, breaking down in front of a complete stranger can be very humbling. Jorge (my psychologist) taught me many things, but a simple breathing technique was the best; anxious, breathe in, 1-2-3-4, hold; breathe out 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, repeat. Mind racing one hundred miles per second, breathe in, 1-2-3-4, hold; breathe out 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, repeat. Simple but powerful, thanks Jorge!
Listening genuinely to other people was also a great help and held many packages of brilliance on my road to recovery. I learnt about challenge, was inspired, embraced compassion and discovered purpose. Having empathy for someone other than yourself is healing and can offer real time perspective. Always take the time to stop and listen, you’re never really alone.
My Purpose, My Mission
To build my strength and confidence every day. To be a great husband and father; continually offering my love, trust and support. To travel and share happiness, to witness history and the seven seas. To share and to teach, to be compassionate and complete.
*Written six years ago and lived by every day.
Renew
Slowly but surely I was getting better, there were days when I would slip backwards. I worked hard and found a way to commit, to discipline my recovery and rebuild my mind’s strength. I continued to listen, learn, absorb and work towards that purpose.
In April 2018 during an off-site meeting with Andrew Moore from The Table Group our team completed a round of leadership training which included personality testing and vulnerability sessions. When we looked back and reviewed our results, a line in my Myers Briggs personality profile brought everything home and opened up my eyes. This was what I was after, the definite link to reconstruct the cycle of my existence and recovery.
ENTJ – “Cannot not lead”.
Wow, how true. I love to teach, I love to inspire, I love to watch people grow, and I love to enable greatness. When I think of the times when I was down, it was when I couldn’t lead. I am fortunate and grateful to be in the position I am in right now, it’s an honour to serve. Yep, I’m in the sweet spot, I’ve found my “True North“.
“True North is the internal compass that guides you successfully through life. ― Bill George, True North: Discover Your Authentic Leadership
It is still hard, but I have a great team around me, my family, my peers and every inspiring humble person I come to meet. Conquering my fear, accepting who I was and rediscovering my “true self” has been my greatest achievement. Some of us aren’t so lucky, but everyday is important, if you need help don’t be afraid to ask.
Thank you to all who have allowed me to be me, especially my beautiful and loving wife, Sarah (xxxxx).
GRAVITIC 